In this comic/nonsense song we hear silly stories of various historical personages, including Samson, who "focht wi cuddies' jaws" [the jawbones of asses] wore "crimson flannel drawers". Nineveh "scratched oot baith his eyes" then "scratched them in again". Napoleon ruled the land and sea, but not Polmadie. The Queen played football "wi' the lads in Glasgow Green", but was a sore loser, and singling out the lead scorer of the other team, "clapped him in the jyle". The singer tells that Johnny is the best lad, and she should know, having had twenty-nine before.